Don Bravo Brands Liquid Snow Electrolyte Bottled Water 16 FL OZ (Aluminum Reusable Bottle)
441 in stock
Pickup currently unavailable
Rare. Untouched. Questionably legal in 7 countries.
High above the cloudline, where oxygen thins and egos inflate, lies Monte Blanco del Silencio — a peak so remote it does not appear on maps, only whispered about in private billionaire WhatsApp threads.
Once every ten years, when the moon aligns with the summit and the snow sings (don’t ask how), a team of elite hydration sherpas — each personally trained by Don Bravo himself — embarks on a sacred climb.
They carry no gear.
Only discipline... and a single obsidian tap.
At the summit, buried in eternal ice, they locate The Vein: a sacred fissure of water so pure, it’s said to predate light. Using ritual technique (and insane upper-body strength), they extract Liquid Snow — drop by immaculate drop.
Each drop is bottled by hand, in complete silence, under the watchful eye of a snow leopard that only obeys Don Bravo’s whistle.
This; is Don Bravo Brands: Liquid Snow
ATTENTION, MORTALS & MOGULS:
Everything you read on Don Bravo Brands LLC's website—including product tales, mystical sourcing legends, and promises of untold power—is satire and puffery. Our copy is entertainment, not factual reportage, medical guidance, legal opinion, or investment advice. Any reasonable consumer would understand that our narrative about mountaintop expeditions and singing snow is clearly hyperbolic and not to be taken as literal truth about our product's source or characteristics. Always rely on the factual panels (Nutrition Facts, Supplement Facts, ingredient lists, certificates of analysis, etc.) for real information—and consult a qualified professional before acting on anything health‑ or finance‑related.
Translation for the Realm of Law:
1. Not Actual Medical Advice. Nothing herein diagnoses, treats, cures, or prevents disease. Consult your licensed healer (doctor) before starting any new regimen.
2. Not Financial Advice. Our bottled water does not double as a hedge fund, nor will it help you outperform the S&P 500. Talk to a certified financial professional before investing—or before mortgaging your lair to buy more t-shirts.
3. Entertainment‑Grade Storytelling. Expedition logs, moon‑aligned harvests, sherpas trained by El Jefe himself, and leopard bodyguards: pure narrative spice.
4. Substantiation & Testing. Our water is produced in an FDA‑compliant, third‑party facility. Want a water quality report? Ask, and ye shall receive. This product complies with all applicable FDA regulations and state-specific requirements for bottled water. Consumers should be aware that regulatory standards may vary by jurisdiction.
5. No Guaranteed Outcomes. Your enlightenment level, or Instagram likes may vary. No claims of extraordinary benefits, including but not limited to physical, mental, emotional, financial, or social advantages, should be inferred from our satirical marketing materials. If you're disappointed that Liquid Snow did not grant the wisdom of a thousand sages, please revisit item #1 above.
6. User Responsibility. By proceeding, you concede that you understand the difference between mythical puffery and objective fact, and you won't sue us for the former.
Bottom Line: Don Bravo Brands is serious about quality and compliance—never about claiming supernatural results. Enjoy the legend, verify the label, drink responsibly, spend responsibly, and always keep laughing.
Questions? Need a certificate of analysis or water‑quality report? Email Legal@DonBravoBrands.com
