Don Bravo Brands Liquid Snow Bottled Water - Case of 6 Bottles
1500 in stock
Pickup currently unavailable
Six Times the Legend. Six Times the Questionable Legality.
Why settle for one brush with immortality when you can mainline it sixfold?
A single bottle of Don Bravo Brands: Liquid Snow is a rare, once-in-a-decade triumph of hydration. A case of six is… well… downright irresponsible. It’s the kind of excess reserved for oil tycoons, secret monarchies, and that one dentist who “retired early.”
Each of these six bottles began its journey high above the cloudline at Monte Blanco del Silencio — the uncharted peak where Liquid Snow is born. Every decade, Don Bravo’s elite hydration sherpas ascend in absolute silence, guided only by moonlight, instinct, and their crippling fear of disappointing him.
No gear.
No oxygen.
Just discipline… and six times the upper-body strength.
They tap the ancient ice vein, coaxing forth water so pure it reportedly predates the Big Bang — a claim neither science nor Don Bravo has felt the need to prove.
Every bottle in your case is hand-filled, sealed under the glare of a snow leopard that answers only to Don Bravo’s whistle, and then packed together in a reinforced case because, frankly, the world isn’t ready for this much concentrated greatness.
Drink them all yourself… or share them sparingly with people whose funerals you’d actually attend.
This; is Don Bravo Brands: Liquid Snow — Case of 6.
ATTENTION, MORTALS & MOGULS:
Everything you read on Don Bravo Brands LLC's website—including product tales, mystical sourcing legends, and promises of untold power—is satire and puffery. Our copy is entertainment, not factual reportage, medical guidance, legal opinion, or investment advice. Any reasonable consumer would understand that our narrative about mountaintop expeditions and singing snow is clearly hyperbolic and not to be taken as literal truth about our product's source or characteristics. Always rely on the factual panels (Nutrition Facts, Supplement Facts, ingredient lists, certificates of analysis, etc.) for real information—and consult a qualified professional before acting on anything health‑ or finance‑related.
Translation for the Realm of Law:
1. Not Actual Medical Advice. Nothing herein diagnoses, treats, cures, or prevents disease. Consult your licensed healer (doctor) before starting any new regimen.
2. Not Financial Advice. Our bottled water does not double as a hedge fund, nor will it help you outperform the S&P 500. Talk to a certified financial professional before investing—or before mortgaging your lair to buy more t-shirts.
3. Entertainment‑Grade Storytelling. Expedition logs, moon‑aligned harvests, sherpas trained by El Jefe himself, and leopard bodyguards: pure narrative spice.
4. Substantiation & Testing. Our water is produced in an FDA‑compliant, third‑party facility. Want a water quality report? Ask, and ye shall receive. This product complies with all applicable FDA regulations and state-specific requirements for bottled water. Consumers should be aware that regulatory standards may vary by jurisdiction.
5. No Guaranteed Outcomes. Your enlightenment level, or Instagram likes may vary. No claims of extraordinary benefits, including but not limited to physical, mental, emotional, financial, or social advantages, should be inferred from our satirical marketing materials. If you're disappointed that Liquid Snow did not grant the wisdom of a thousand sages, please revisit item #1 above.
6. User Responsibility. By proceeding, you concede that you understand the difference between mythical puffery and objective fact, and you won't sue us for the former.
Bottom Line: Don Bravo Brands is serious about quality and compliance—never about claiming supernatural results. Enjoy the legend, verify the label, drink responsibly, spend responsibly, and always keep laughing.
Questions? Need a certificate of analysis or water‑quality report? Email Info@DonBravoBrands.com
ATTENTION, MORTALS & MOGULS:
Everything you read on Don Bravo Brands LLC's website—including product tales, mystical sourcing legends, and promises of untold power—is satire and puffery. Our copy is entertainment, not factual reportage, medical guidance, legal opinion, or investment advice. Any reasonable consumer would understand that our narrative about mountaintop expeditions and singing snow is clearly hyperbolic and not to be taken as literal truth about our product's source or characteristics. Always rely on the factual panels (Nutrition Facts, Supplement Facts, ingredient lists, certificates of analysis, etc.) for real information—and consult a qualified professional before acting on anything health‑ or finance‑related.
Translation for the Realm of Law:
1. Not Actual Medical Advice. Nothing herein diagnoses, treats, cures, or prevents disease. Consult your licensed healer (doctor) before starting any new regimen.
2. Not Financial Advice. Our bottled water does not double as a hedge fund, nor will it help you outperform the S&P 500. Talk to a certified financial professional before investing—or before mortgaging your lair to buy more t-shirts.
3. Entertainment‑Grade Storytelling. Expedition logs, moon‑aligned harvests, sherpas trained by El Jefe himself, and leopard bodyguards: pure narrative spice.
4. Substantiation & Testing. Our water is produced in an FDA‑compliant, third‑party facility. Want a water quality report? Ask, and ye shall receive. This product complies with all applicable FDA regulations and state-specific requirements for bottled water. Consumers should be aware that regulatory standards may vary by jurisdiction.
5. No Guaranteed Outcomes. Your enlightenment level, or Instagram likes may vary. No claims of extraordinary benefits, including but not limited to physical, mental, emotional, financial, or social advantages, should be inferred from our satirical marketing materials. If you're disappointed that Liquid Snow did not grant the wisdom of a thousand sages, please revisit item #1 above.
6. User Responsibility. By proceeding, you concede that you understand the difference between mythical puffery and objective fact, and you won't sue us for the former.
Bottom Line: Don Bravo Brands is serious about quality and compliance—never about claiming supernatural results. Enjoy the legend, verify the label, drink responsibly, spend responsibly, and always keep laughing.
Questions? Need a certificate of analysis or water‑quality report? Email Legal@DonBravoBrands.com
